Well, here we are. The last day of 2014. I know this is cliche and it’s said every year, but this year has really gone by so fast! There have been plenty of ups and downs for me this year, but hey, here I am. Without everything (both good and no so good) that has happened to me this year, I wouldn’t be the same person! Am I completely happy with my entire life and the exact person I am today? No. But I am happy to have been given this life and I am happy with most parts of myself. I am ready to start the new year, and my main goal is to just be happy.
One of the major struggles in this past year is something that I have talked about several times in past posts. As you probably know and can tell by my blog, I follow the health and fitness community pretty darn closely. When I initially started following the community a little over a year and a half ago, all was well. I was so interested in all things health, fitness, and nutrition. This is when I started my health/fitness/nutrition Instagram account (@laurensfitlife). At this time I was by no means eating completely healthy and clean, and I was alright with that, but I very, very soon wanted to start eating more and more healthy.
Fast forward about a year or so, and this eventually turned into restricting myself from anything remotely unhealthy or unclean. I started having negative thoughts towards my body and certain foods. If my mom suggested making something for supper or baking something for fun, I would always try to find or suggest a similar but more “clean” recipe for myself. At the time, I was completely fine with this. I didn’t see it as something that was and would eventually produce extreme, out of control negative thoughts. I was content at the time.
Last year was my freshman ear of college. I remember the summer before and just hoping that at least one of my roommates (I had three all together) would share the same love for fitness and nutrition with me. Well, none of them really did. So you can imagine how uncomfortable/awkward I felt with all my health foods around our room at first. But eventually, I became more comfortable with it and also with my roommates. I was the “healthy roommate.” This was a title that I absolutely loved, but on the outside I just kind of treated as one of those nicknames you done hate and you don’t mind. I would work out a lot, and rarely eat anything that wasn’t clean. When I say this, I mean that it would be a very hard thing for me to even eat a fun size piece of candy, even if it was my favorite. And when it came around to December, I got an Advent calendar with a chocolate for each day of the countdown to Christmas. Honestly, I can’t even remember if I even ate a single chocolate. I remember that I just told my roommates to have at it. If they saw that the day we were on wasn’t open yet, they could just open it and eat the chocolate. I was too afraid to eat a single one.
So that was all in 2013. But now let’s start with 2014. For the entire month of January I was still on break because my college did J-term. My family and I were in Texas for a couple weeks around Christmas and New Years, but a little while after we got back, I had to go get my yearly physical. I was honestly kind of excited for this because I was ready for the doctor to complement me on my “healthy” lifestyle and on how good I looked and how well I was doing. Well, I was in for a shock. The doctor told me my bmi was 18. This bmi is placed on the high end of underweight. So I was by no means severely underweight, but I was at a low enough weight to concern my doctor. I was completely shocked at this. When she asked if I was eating enough I just told her that I really felt that I was and that I just went to the gym a lot. She told me that she really wanted to see me put on a little weight so I could be healthier, which was something that was very difficult for me to hear.
I started to think about what that doctor told me and I kind of reflected back on my habits during my first semester of college. Yes, I still felt like I was eating enough. But then I realized I was eating enough, but not nearly enough for someone as active as I was. And honestly looking back on it now, I definitely over exercised, which is something that I have been working on in the past few months. Anyway, let’s get back to my story. I also think another reason why I felt like I was eating enough when I really wasn’t is that my roommate that I was closest to didn’t eat nearly as much as me. She had been told awhile ago by her doctor that she can only eat a certain amount of calories, which was all related to a heart condition. But I’m not going to get into that since it is personal, and because this is my story, not hers. But anyway, I think that my eating intake decreased because I would have a fuller plate than her, and I was always still eating after she was done. This made me feel that I was over eating, when in reality, I definitely was not.
By the summertime, I challenged myself to take it easy on the cardio and focus more on strength and weight training. This is something that I had wanted to do for a little while, but I was afraid of the number on the scale going up. Despite this, I went forward with the challenge. Low and behold, I fell in love with weight and resistance training. For time (and length’s) sake, I am not going to get too in dept with the past half year. But in a nutshell more or less, I hurt my lower back in September, and then a little later I hurt the other side of my lower back. This meant that my weight and resistance training was severely limited. Since I was so limited, I thought that maybe I would just quick see how running felt. I started out very slow and gradually increased my pace. Surprisingly, running didn’t hurt at all!! So I started running a lot more often than I had in the previous few months. I began to truly enjoy running again — even the treadmill wasn’t as bad as it used to be!
Now let’s bring it to November. One weekend I was running on the treadmill, and I was feeling better than I ever had on a treadmill. I wasn’t getting bored or exhausted or anything! So I just kept going until I felt like stopping. I ended up running 6 or 7 miles on the treadmill both days. I was feeling great! But all of the sudden, in the middle of the next week I started getting hip pain and upper thigh pain on the outside of the right leg. I just figured I’d take it easy for the next few days or week or so, and I would be good as new. Unfortunately, the pain wasn’t going away, so I decided to get it checked out. I was diagnosed with ITB Syndrome, and as given some stretches and exercises to do. I was told that my injury was most likely due to overuse and that I should be back at it within the next couple weeks. When I told my family this, my brother, who I’m rather close to, told me flatout that I exercise too much. Little did he know that this really affected me. But I wasn’t going to let it show.
So ever since then, I have been going to physical therapy, have been resting more often, and have only been doing upper body and abs at the gym. My leg has really been feeling much better, which is something that obviously makes me happy, but once I am fully healed, I’m still going to try to take it more easy at the gym and take rest days more often. Like I said in my last post, this injury was truly a blessing in disguise.
Wow that was a novel!
When I first started typing this post, I had no intentions of it being that long, but let’s get to some of the good things in the past year. I think I’ll make a list, so that this doesn’t also turn into a novel 😛
These are in no specific order. I’m just listing them as I think of them. 🙂
1. I switched my major and transferred schools, and I am happy with where I am academically.
2. I have gotten to spend more time with my family.
3. I have realized how much I restricted myself in the past (read above) and how strict I was with myself, and I am doing my best to work on changing that.
4. I have been working on being more positive about rest days and have been better about think of them as beneficial and good for me in the long run.
5. Some days are mentally tough for me in general, but I am also working on that to the best of my ability.
6. I have had such a loving and amazing support system and I truly want to thank each and every one of those people.
7. I have learned to do — and not do — things because I do — or do not — want to do them. I have tried to stay true to myself. I want to please other people, but I also make sure to stay in tune with myself as well.
8. Much, much more!!
Lastly, here are just a few things that I have decided to try and do in the next year:
1. Stop being so strict with my “normal” schedule. I want to be easily willing to make sudden, spur of the moment, changes to it without it negatively affecting me and my thoughts. I want to be more flexible.
2. Meet new people.
3. Don’t sweat the small things.
4. Not worry so much about food in general.
5. Be more positive in all aspects of my life.
6. And lastly, (for now) like I said earlier, I just want to be happy. 🙂
Well, I am so so thankful if you stuck with me and read this entire, lengthy, novel-resembling post! I in no way had intentions of making it this long, but here we are now! haha. 🙂 I hope you all had the chance to reflect on this past year, and I hope the best for you in the coming year! This is your year. Make it happen. 🙂