Recovery Is Worth It // Where I’m At Now

(Cover image credit goes to https://www.pinterest.com/alexarp/recovery/)

Recovery. A word that can mean a lot of things. In my case it is recovery from disordered eating and exercising.

It has been a long journey (one of which I go into more detail in previous blog posts). A few days ago I finally felt that indescribable “free” feeling. I have felt this feeling a few times before, but this time it truly felt different. Like I am not constantly thinking about and planning out when I am eating next, or how often/what times I am exercising throughout the week. In short, I felt normal for once. For the first time in about two years. Two years.

For two years these thoughts have pretty much consumed my every moment. It started out as what I thought were good things, like only allowing myself to eat clean foods because anything with fake sugars in it were toxins to my body. This gradually spiraled into orthorexia. I have never been “officially” diagnosed, but that is beside the point. I finally recognized that I was putting myself in severe danger mentally, physically, and emotionally. I would stress over the smallest things — things that a girl in her late teenage years really shouldn’t even be worrying about. (i.e. things that were pointless to worry about).

Over the majority of the past year I have been actively trying to break free from that “healthy, clean” lifestyle. I am not going to say that it was easy and blissful — it was far from that at times. But it’s all part of the journey. There were times where I had major recovery “wins,” but that feeling and mindset would fade out after a day or two.

Finally a few days ago, I got this feeling. One that I haven’t felt in awhile. Like I mentioned above, over the past few days I haven’t worried about how unhealthy some of the things I ate were. What I did think about is how happy I was when I wasn’t worrying about what I put into my mouth. For example, on Friday pizza sounded really good to me, and I was staying at home for the weekend, so I told my mom we should order some pizza! We got a large veggie pizza, and over the past couple years (if I was to even let myself have pizza) I always set the limit at two pieces. No more. Well guess what?! I had THREE pieces of that pizza the other night. Why?! Because 1.) it tasted darn good, 2.) an extra slice of pizza will in no way harm me, 3.) I was hungry, and 4.) I am tired of saying “no.” So what if pizza isn’t healthy. So what that it was a large pizza. So what that I only did light exercise that day. I finally truly felt like a normal 20-year-old girl.

That was only the beginning to a weekend filled with spending time with family and enjoying myself without worrying about food and exercise. I just went with the flow. Best. Feeling. Ever.

I will admit that today I have had a few thoughts about scheduling workouts, food, etc. But like I said earlier, it’s all part of the process. I am feeling good right now. I feel positive. I feel as if I can do this. I feel normal.

Recovery is worth it. It is a huge roller coaster filled with ups and downs and twists and turns, but it’s worth it. I honestly feel like I am headed on the road to true recovery. I can do this. Life is good. 🙂

To follow my journey, head on over to my page on Instagram: @laurensfitlife! You will find everything from healthy foods to pints of Ben & Jerry’s!

Advertisements

The Nut Butter Company Review

I bet you saw the title of this post and immediately clicked on it, because let’s be real, who doesn’t like nut butter?! 😛 The Nut Butter Company is a company I came across on Instagram (check them out at @TheNutButterCompany)! Of course, being an avid lover of all sorts of nut butters, I decided to reach out to the company and ask if they could send some samples for me to review. They were more than willing to do so, so here I am with a review!

I was sent small jars of four of their nut butters: Cashew Honey Dark Chocolate, Walnut Brown Sugar Coconut, Almond Espresso Cinnamon, and Cashew Rosemary Shallot. Below is a short review of each flavor!

Cashew Honey Dark Chocolate:

image2

Immediately when I saw the name of this one, I knew it would be the first one to try! This flavor has a smooth, creamier consistency than the other three in my opinion. I really enjoyed this one because I adore dark chocolate, and this flavor combination was to die for! This was probably one of my favorites of the four.

Walnut Brown Sugar Coconut:

image3

This was the second one I tried. It definitely did not disappoint one bit! Over the past couple years I have taken a liking to the coconut flavor (which I actually used to find disgusting), so I thoroughly enjoyed this butter. The consistency of this one was chunkier than the others — which I really like! Chunks = love. 🙂 This was also one of my favorites of the four butters I received!

Almond Espresso Cinnamon:

image4

I actually only just tried this one yesterday because I’m not a huge fan of the coffee/espresso flavor in general. But earlier this week I decided to try and slowly get myself to like coffee (why I’m doing this, I have no idea :P). That being said, I decided to finally give this one a go! All I have to say is that this flavor was pretty darn good! It has a great flavor ratio, if that makes sense. The consistency of this one was smooth and creamy.

Cashew Rosemary Shallot:

image5

This was the final of the four that I tried, and again, I only just tried it yesterday. Judging by the name, I was a little bit on the leery side. The flavor combo sounded a little different to me for some reason. Although, I’m usually all for trying weird combos because a lot of the time they actually turn out being strange-but-good combos! So with that in mind I went for it. In all honesty, it was probably my least favorite of the group, BUT that doesn’t mean I didn’t like it! This was also more of a smooth consistency, but it seemed a little thicker than the others. But all in all, I enjoyed this flavor, and if you’re into a little extra spice, you will like this flavor!

 Finally, I would like to end with an overall review! One thing I really like about these flavors is that they’re unique! They’re not just your regular old peanut butter or almond butter (although sometimes simple tastes amazing)! These are some flavor combinations that I have never thought of before, but I really, really like them!

Again, I truly want to thank everyone over at The Nut Butter Company for their generosity in sending me these samples, and I strongly encourage you to go check them out at http://www.thenutbuttercompany.com/!